AN OPEN LETTER TO CATFISH
i love catfish, first off. catfish are the greatest fish worth fishing on the north american continent. for you see, catfish are some of the easiest, and hardest fish to successfully catch. these little rat bastard blue catfish are a huge pain cause they just nibble at your bait, they never take it like bullheads and channel cats. i caught a massive bullhead once, a two footer that weighed at least five pounds. that was one hell of a fish. bullheads are easy pickings, they go after stuff like hotdogs, peanut butter smeared jigs, and anything with a smell. they're these little dinky fish and they're pretty cute, but you usually use them as bait for catching big catfish. channel cats are similar, they'll take almost anything with a scent. not picky in the slightest, and they fight pretty hard. bullheads don't really fight but they're small fish so a bass rod can easily overpower them. channel cats fight hard for their size. blue cats are awful bastards of fish that nibble and steal your bait but never take it fully. they're smart, and it took me two and a half months of fishing the same river every weekend to finally catch a tiny blue cat. they do fight though, pulling that one felt like pulling a 2 pound bass but it could not have weighed more than a pound. virginia's got some trophy blue cats and i'm gonna catch one soon. they eat crabs which is good cause i hate crabs, one of them had the audacity to pinch me while i was freeing it. these fish are fun to catch, but they're not bass, and certainly not a particularly desirable fish. i like them, but they do tend to live in polluted waterways. which leads to my second point, that i've seen the truth. we need a strong government that will protect the environment, and bomb the shit outta third world countries that make pollution. this is my stand. we also need to preserve our land, our culture and our people as Americans, stewards of our lands. we must destroy those who pollute our water and air, fight the globohomo menace and the invisible shadow government forcing the great reset among us. for the sake of fishing, the sake of America, we must collectively see the truth that these little (catfish are not little, the record blue cat was 143 pounds) fish are telling us, the elections are all rigged, there will never be meaningful environmental regulation (the deep state is funded by big oil) and they will eventually put all of us into pods, drug us all and keep us docile, and more importantly, away from the fishes. the catfish will be the mascot of our party, we will defend the environment, we will bomb the shithole nations shitting up our world, we will destroy the shadow government and most importantly, we will promote the conservation and fair usage of land across this great nation. i love catfish they're so adorable, they're chubby and have these cute little whiskers and they make croaking noises too its very cute. also catfish tastes pretty good if you marinate it in buttermilk and deep fry it. adorable fish, destroy globohomo and the deepstate, the only good government is the part of the government that puts catfish (and trout) in our lakes and rivers (usually the DWR, FWS or DEP depending on state). Tight lines, and God Bless America.